If you only like to read pure knitting blogs, then move along. No knitting in this post.
I'm really frustrated and just downright depressed. When I was in grad school, I felt like I was surrounded by friends. I was involved in a couple of different groups, so there was always someone around to hang out with or to call if you wanted to go out and do something. Law school isn't like that at all. Chalk it up to the competitive nature of the curve, the fact that it's like high school version 2.0, spending 12+ hours a day in the library, whatever.
Anyway, I've just felt really lonely since coming here. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don't have a single one of those "ride or die" friends as The Boyfriend likes to call them. There's several people that I think I could be friends with in another context, but the whole law school thing just knocks it out completely.
I got through all this loneliness by remembering that I actually do have friends, they just all live in other places. That worked until this weekend.
Someone that I thought was one of my closest friends got married this weekend. This friend was a guy, but there was never any of the weird "are we more than just friends?" moments that sometimes come with having a close guy friend. For two years, he and I went everywhere together. We even nicknamed one another "Hip" because we were always attached at the hip. We hung out nearly every night, we went on road trips for concerts, and for three years I spent time with him & his family during the summer at their lake house.
Anyway, I wasn't invited to the wedding. At first, I was OK with this because I thought that maybe it was a family only affair. Not the case. His sister posted pictures of the wedding online this morning, and the wedding was huge. There were 6 attendants on either side, and four out of the six guys were part of "the group" that I was in. Seeing all those pictures just felt like such a slap in the face.
I'm pretty sure that I will never say anything to him, as it is his wedding and he can invite whomever he wishes. However, my feelings are just really raw right now. I think it's the combination of being excluded, while also realizing that I really don't have those "back up" friends like I once thought. Seeing all the people I care about all dressed up and smiling into the camera, while realizing that I wasn't invited to be a part of it, was just downright painful.
Right now, all I want is to go home, sit on the back porch with my mom & a giant glass of wine, and have one of those talk-to-3AM chats that my mom is a world champ in giving.
Has anything like this ever happened to you guys? (Also, feel free to tell me I'm being a big baby about things. I might not like you for a day or so, but maybe it's what I need to hear.)
Maybe I should just be happy that I don't have to buy a wedding gift.
Funny sidenote: When I told this story to The Boyfriend, he lovingly reassured me that he would invite me to his wedding. Ha! We laughed for at least 10 minutes at that.